Dr. Love Answers...

Dear Dr. Love,

I have noticed a lot of people recently who have engaged in SL relationships with people who are married in RL. I do have friends who are an RL couple and are not (a couple) in SL, but they are very open in both worlds. I've watched my own RL mother discover some incriminating e-mails sent to my RL father and seeing the hurt at first pained me, and I had a lot of trouble being respectful to my father after that. Most of it was due to my own guilt as I have been known to show interest in someone who is taken in RL. Then I was witness to my mother deciding that the woman was so far away, and he never promised to meet her and, in fact, had not told her anything about what he really did as a job or lived. This still makes me wonder what makes people engage in these relationships. Is it okay? Is it healthy? Or is it dependent on the personalities of those involved?

Anonymous


Dear Anonymous:

You ask the doctor, "What makes people engage in these relationships?"

People engage outside their relationships for a multitude of reasons. Usually, it is simply due to the fact that they want to experiment, to try other things they might otherwise be too shy to share with their partner in RL. This is all part of the human experience. As I travel thru SL, I have come across many people who have loving and fulfilling RL relationships, yet they maintain another and equally satisfying SL relationship. This practice seems to have the uncanny ability to strengthen their RL relationship making it even more satisfying. Life is complicated. Relationships are complicated. If entering into another one in SL helps strengthen the RL partnership, then by all means, have at it.

You then ask, "Is this okay?"

This is where it gets a bit tricky. There are a few areas of concern here, and it would best be served to weigh the answers, think about all of them, and try to make a rational decision based on your emotions and moral code.

1. Are they hurting anyone else? Like the other person's husband or wife or significant other?

2. Is this based solely on a sexual relationship? We all know that if your answer to this one is yes, then the relationship is doomed, so why start it! Sex is wonderful but real and honest relationships consist of so much more. If this "relationship" is going to be a temporary release from the pressures of your RL...or SL...and nobody gets hurt, then and only then is it okay!

You ask, "Is it healthy?"

It probably is but not for the long term! Most of these relationships are based on emotion. The kind where both parties click. Probably physically at first...with some great conversation and sex to follow. Now where do they go? This is where real long term relationships are built. The kind that last a lifetime.

Anonymous - the doctor seems to recall this being his third response to your questions. As much as I enjoy our little "chats", you may want to make a private appointment so we can get you comfortable on this beautiful leather couch where so many others have been helped (winks)...

The doctor's quote for today:

"Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering."

Peace and love,

Dr. Love



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